By Greg Rosner
WARNING: Do not follow this advice! This blog entry is intended to be funny, by explaining the opposite of what you should do to succeed. The point here is to exaggerate the mindset of approaching translation as an afterthought rather than as part of your global business strategy.
- Got employees overseas? Expect them to read and write English fluently.
- Do a business trip – once every decade.
- If you do visit, keep the business trip short and your meetings 20 minutes max. Forget the karaoke bar, the dinners, tell them what you want them to do and then leave.
- If you can’t pronounce their real names, give them nicknames like “Bob”, or “Jim”.
- If you don’t like their food, complain about it and describe what real food is like.
- Dictate the terms of your business to the locals. Expect compliance.
- Make no investment in the country. Customers will buy from you no matter what language they speak.
- Product literature translations? Don’t bother. If they can’t read English they probably don’t want your product.
- Keep your web site in English. (Even 3 year olds in America speak English – so should they)
- Ignore local law.
- Don’t hire a local partner.
- Offer your appraisal of their country’s politics and popular religion.
- Make fun of things in their country you don’t understand.
- Invite them to conference calls after lunch, say, at 2:00pm Pacific Standard Time, no matter where in the world they might be dialing in from.
- Critique their local government.
15.5 Try to change their culture.